I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize