I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
