so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
