3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
