Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He better not be in your backpack
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
