I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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