someone get that fucking seahorse.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
