We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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