dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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