i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just puked most of my soul out..
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