I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
