i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
