I just pynch a tree in the face
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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