I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
