So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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