he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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