you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
