there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
