We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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