you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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