Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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