I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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