y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
