That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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