i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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