Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
