At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
