Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
