I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
