he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
