go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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