we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
