this beer tastes like vomit already
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
