the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's the barista slut.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
