I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
