slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
