Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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