Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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