Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
