i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
