I smell stomach acid.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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