New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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