Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize