My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
