so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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