those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize