its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
