Umm I'm too high to move.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
