how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
birth control should be required to get into college
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
