After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
