I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
