U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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