So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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