I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
