I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
