My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
