I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
