i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
