is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
