standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize