so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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