As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
