Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize