Someone shit on the floor
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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