Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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