I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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