Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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