can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize