i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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