You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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