is your mom at the bar?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish my penis had a tongue
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
