im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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